I want to talk to you about transmuting your jealous feelings into something else. Something that will make you an your business stronger and more in alignment.
It is so important to figure out how to love your jealousy! I want to discuss this because it’s something that everyone goes through. You see someone and you start to compare yourself or your business to theirs.
It’s not fair to you, and there are ways to embrace your jealousy, learn from it, and grow. I want to talk to you about why this is so important. Learning to really understand your jealousy can be a massive shortcut to success if you know what to do with it.
Jealousy is a hard feeling. What is jealousy? What do we feel, what do we experience?
I recently had a client who was talking about how well she was doing building her business, and she had been really proud of herself and happy and excited. Until she saw a competitor who had started after she did who was advertising that she was already having $10k months. How did this person do it? My client was berating herself about how her videos were better than this other woman’s, how did this other woman get so far ahead so quickly and why hadn’t she? My client started looking at competitors on Facebook and thinking everyone was further along. She asked me, “What’s wrong with me?”
I’ve had my own bouts of the same type of jealousy! When I was 22, I went to AwesomenessFest, and I was still struggling with figuring out what I was going to do with my life and my career.
Walking around AFest and seeing all of these successful people, it felt like everyone was so far ahead of me in life. They were authors, and branding experts, and coaches, they had email lists.
I was just starting out, and I felt so far behind everyone like I was missing something vitally important, but I didn’t know what. I just looked around me and thought, “I wish I had his book, her branding, her confidence, and success…”
I hated that I was jealous of all of these successful people, and then I judged myself for being jealous!
This same jealousy comes up all the time in relationships. Why is he looking at another girl? What does she have that I don’t have? Why did he break up with me? What is wrong with me?
As someone who works with many women in the beginning stages of their business, I see this a lot. I believe that jealousy is triggered as you’re building a business because businesses are so public, yet so personal. There is so much of you in it, and it makes you vulnerable, and you just want to be successful immediately.
Entrepreneurship tests your confidence like nothing else. You are completely putting yourself out there! You have to be careful, search yourself and figure out what your jealousy is trying to tell you.
I want to talk about unpacking the layers and the emotions that make up jealousy. Jealousy is a natural emotion. What can we learn from it?
Underneath jealousy is a core feeling of inadequacy. Suddenly we believe that we are not smart enough, fast enough, or good enough. It’s a signpost. When you experience jealousy, that means that for that moment, you bought into the li of scarcity. That if someone else has something you want, then there isn’t enough for you. That if someone else WINS, that means you LOST.
This is a lie. If someone else has a huge launch, it cannot take away from your own launches. You have stepped outside reality and for just a moment, believed in a sparse, dense reality.
When I first launched Prosperity Possy, I was hustling, grinding, making sales calls, generating interest person by person. I spoke to a friend several times, and she told me she was really into this course, and we had discussed doing one-on-one coaching, and I was really excited.
She messaged me the next day saying thank you, and she loved me, but that she was going to go with another course and hoped to work together in the future. This drove me into a jealousy spiral!
I found this other coach, watched all of her videos, checked her pricing, stalked her Facebook. All I could think about was judging her and asking what made her so special, and judging myself. Then I felt terrible, judging myself for being jealous in the first place. It was weighing me down.
So how do we address this head on? How can we transmute this jealousy into something powerful and beautiful, and helpful?
The first reason to love your jealousy is because your jealousy reveals a hidden desire.
If you’re wanting something but continually denying it, it will make itself known. At AFest, I was feeling inadequate and it was because I wanted this life so very badly, but I just wasn’t giving myself permission to have it yet.
With my client, her jealousy rampage was because she wanted those $10k months, she wanted it so badly, but it hadn’t quite happened yet. Her jealousy was her being impatient and wanting it immediately.
It’s going to keep showing up until you really let yourself have that desire, and identify it, and embrace it.
Try doing a writing assignment: “I was really triggered by this event/person/conversation, because it made me feel inadequate/unable/less than.”
Don’t shut it down or force it down. Be willing to look that emotion right in the face. I wanted a similar path as those successful people a AFest, and these people were showing me that it was possible, showing me the paths I could take.
At AFest, I wish I had stopped and said “I want this. I want to be a speaker, an author, center stage with my business” and honored it. I would have enjoyed the event and felt better. I should have let myself be, “It is ok to be 22 and not have everything figured out yet. They are further along, they are showing me where I want to go and how I can get there.”
Be aware of the desire, instead of judging yourself and them, thinking that they are a winner and you’re a loser and allow jealousy take over and cloud your thoughts.
Follow your desires and your whole life will turn on. Lean into your desires, feel the thing that lights you up, that is the Source/God moving through you. Embrace it.
The second reason to love your jealousy is because it activates your curiosity.
Allow it into your body and let it speak. Your jealousy will make you curious of the things you desire and will show you those hidden desires. Take that strong emotion of inadequacy and start asking hard questions. Use that lower level emotion as a catalyst for greater things.
After all, the best songs are heartbreak songs, taking the power of broken love, broken hearts, and turning it into something beautiful.
I love journaling and writing, using powerful, conscious communication to help me identify the root emotions, and really examine them. If I had learned how to ask, “I wonder what this is, what’s right there that I’m not willing to acknowledge yet, what am I not seeing?” It would have allowed me to figure things out sooner. It opens up so much energy. What do I truly want, what is this other person doing specifically that is triggering me?
So slow down, embrace and unpack the negative emotions. Allow them to breathe and exist, and examine them for their hidden desires.
All great things started with the right questions being asked!
The third reason to love your jealousy is because it can be a catalyst for huge growth!
Allow your jealousy to exist. Unpack it, embrace it, understand it, ask it questions, see what your subconscious is telling you.
Because this curiosity will show you beautiful things. You will find out exactly what you desire, and start finding new paths to getting there.
When people experience jealousy, they get stuck there and mired in it, but it can and should be a catalyst for growth! Because you’re seeing exactly what you want and maybe how to get there, by seeing how others have succeeded.
Writers, poets, musicians, artists, they use negative emotions like jealousy, heartbreak, sadness, and regret, to produce masterpieces.
Their negative emotions are the catalyst for their most beautiful works because they listened to them, they dug deeper, and they embraced them.
Stop, breathe, and really feel what your body is telling you. Your confidence, your worth, your ideas and plans, everything will get triggered during your entrepreneurship journey. It’s a part of being successful, to ride this wave.
It can be super dramatic, but you can use alchemy to transmute these negatives into learning experiences and as a catalyst for your own exponential growth.